Where Are You Christmas?!?

Day 116.

It's Friday....


I'm back.


Sorry I had a couple weeks there that literally knocked me to the ground. Please don't mistake my lack of posting for not wanting to share and be real, I was just processing and dealing with a lot and trying to navigate through some things. Most of you know that I wear my heart on my sleeve, and because of this I just felt for the sake of everyone, it was better if I kept my journaling in my actual journal where I cried out to God and He walked me through those two weeks, along with a few friends that came alongside and made sure I was still alive.

Anyway, all is well and we ARE IN DECEMBER!!!!! Another month gone and I am another month closer to having my man back in my arms.

So tonight, Madison's sweet friend Mackenzie sang one of my favorite sentimental Christmas songs tonight at a special performance. We didn't end up being able to go because my kids were wiped out...Madison even asked to leave gymnastics early....that never happens. They were both in bed by 6:30 and Madison was asleep by 6:45/7:00.....and Hudson was not far behind her.

Anyway, listening to a recording of Mackenzie singing this song, not only brought tears to my eyes because she did a beautiful rendition of the song, but the words to the song struck a chord tonight.

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

Oh, I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away, oh
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love

I can totally relate to the words of this song during the season I'm in right now. I LOVE Christmas. It's quite literally my favorite time of year. But, this year, with Alex being away, it's been harder to find the motivation to decorate the house. However, I have done a decent amount and will finish this weekend, especially after we get our tree, because Christmas is about JOY and the birth of our Savior who is so patiently walking beside me on this journey as I try to navigate all the feels that come with not having my love home with me right now. I want the kids to have a MAGICAL Christmas and to know the LOVE of Christ and that no matter what our circumstances, that love never changes. I LOVE that we have family traditions and while it will be hard without Alex here, I still have every intention of keep the traditions alive. The JOY of Christmas lives inside each and every one of us and we simply need to dig deeper if we are struggling to find it this year. We are surrounded by amazing people that love on us and pray for us. We also have friends who regularly text, email or message daily just to see how the day is going. These thoughtful gestures mean the world to me. Some days it's really easy to get swallowed up by emotion, but then I'll be reminded that God has us and He sends sweet little reminders in so many ways, all throughout the day. 

I'm excited for this weekend. We have some fun in store for the days to come. Hope everyone has a LOVELY weekend too!