Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Mixed Feelings

Real quick, for those of you praying for my husband...thank you...he's one day closer to being done with this nasty bar exam and told me that today he could feel everyone's prayers.

Anyway, on to my mixed feelings...

Today I found out that a young boy at my school died on Sunday. I have very mixed feelings about it. This little boy has been battling a rare cancer for a few years now and he was laid to rest Sunday morning. I know that he is at peace now and not in any pain, but at the same time I can't help but think what a young, joyful life is missing from this earth now. I keep wrestling with this in my head. Why does God allow little children to suffer? Then I think, well he didn't let him suffer much because He showed him mercy by bringing him home and relieving him from pain. But then, lately, I've been in a discussion with a friend about where babies and children go that haven't had the chance to accept Christ yet. I come back to just having mixed, unsettled feelings. I know that God is just and merciful, so I trust the outcome, but I still feel all confused and mixed up inside.

I'd love to hear what you guys have to say on this topic....Thank you!!!


Kim said...

Your husband has been in my prayers on and off -- I hope he did well on his test.

Teresa said...

Steph--I can SO understand a bit of what you are going through! Of course we are all different. I don't really want to talk about myself, and I don't know if it will help, but if you have read what has been going on with me, I'm sure you know that I have been wrestling with some of the same things. I have felt that others experiences have helped greatly and honestly, I have found that it just take TIME to work through this--I felt that I had to rush through it because I did not feel that my questioning was "proper"--rubish--it is OK to feel this way. I have no "pat" answers or scripture for you because we all have to go our own way. It has grown me and I am still going through it a bit. I seem to have gone over the hump the other day--something just clicked. I cannot even explain to you what. I'm sure for you it will be different. I ONLY know that the thing that you don't want to do is shut down. Keep struggling and asking the questions, even screaming or whatever. God will give you the answers and peace eventually. I really think that we have to struggle with these things for our own growth. If you are up to it, you might want to read a bit of my recent posts-but you may not be ready for it yet--that's OK. I'll pray for you sis and when you are ready, I can give you some books to help if you want. I personally found that asking others for help has helped me greatly. I have prayed for your husband too. It must be grueling! He will gloryify God in his chosen profession, just based on what I have read about him! God Bless!

Maryellen said...

Several years ago my youngest nephew fought and lost a gallent battle against caner. He was diagosed at 18 months and died 4 months before his 3rd birthday.
I doubt there is anything harder in the world than watching a child suffer and die. I have three very vivid memories about the way The LORD and I dealt with this.
One autumn day, little Nickie and his brothers and cousins were playing in the leaves. He was weak and pale and would be going into the hospitol the next day, but on that sunny afternoon he was laughing and romping like any other little boy, and I prayed, Dear God, there are so many things in life he is going to miss. Holidays and Camping trips and...wait a minute says the LORD, you have no idea of what a wonderously beautiful world Nickie is about to enter into. There are no words to describe the joy and beauty of his heavenly home...
later, just days, hours really, before he died I asked his mom "What is the worst thing that could happen to Nickie right now" Her answer was the obvious...that he would die. No, I said, sensing the presense of the HOLY SPIRIT, that is the worst thing that could happen to you. There are only two options left for Nickie, a total healing or passing on to Kingdom come.
The Kingdom would be best by far for him.
Finally - the last day, we knew he was about to leave us. I prayed, LORD, when he gets there, no matter how beautiful it will be, he might be a little scared. Could you maybe "rocky, rocky" him on your lap until he gets used to it? Then I thought, how dumb that prayer was. How many hundreds, thousands of children die every hour...How could God spend "rocky rocky" time with each one of them. And God spoke clearly to my heart...never limit Me to your concept of time. I will spend as much time holding and rocking our baby as he needs.
Why do children suffer and die? Why does any evil happen at all? These questions can drive us mad, especially when they touch so close to our hearts.
We must find peace in knowing that the suffering in this life is nothing compared to eternity. We must help those who are suffering and those who love them find that peace that passes understanding. And like Teresa said, if we have to question or yell, God can take it...He's a big God and an Understanding God, after all He saw His own son suffer and die.