As I've mentioned before, Sundays are tough because they have always been our family day, where we make a point of spending the day together as a family, so it's more obvious that Alex is missing because our family time is just different. We are adapting and getting into a new "normal" for us, but I don't think I'll ever get use to sitting by myself at church on Sunday.
However, I will say that today was incredible. The worship was spot on and each and every song spoke straight to my heart. The kind of speaking to my heart where I was praising God for all He's done and all He's going to do. Tears were rolling down my face. I wasn't sad, but overwhelmed with how thankful I am that God is in the midst of this deployment. I'm not going to sugar coat it, deployment is tough, but it's manageable because God is with us through it all and He'll never leave our side. When I need extra grace and wisdom with the kids, He's there. When I raise my voice and have a major mommy fail, He's there to lift me back up. He's gives me grace and then we move on. When my kids are missing their daddy so much that my words and snuggles don't quite bring the comfort they are looking for, God is there in the midst to love on them and give them a peace that only He can give.
So, today, after an amazing worship set, God spoke straight to my heart with the message Pastor Ray delivered. One of the reminders I loved from today was that I'm I need to be fueled by faith and not fear and inspired by hope not discouraged by hurt. So, I created this lovely little image as a great reminder and encouragement. Oh and as another totally amazing gift from God, I met an amazing family today at church that was super friendly and hopefully the beginning of a fun friendship.
Right as we were getting home we received a phone call from Alex and we got to talk to him for a little bit. It was lovely. I always enjoy talking to him, even if everything he's doing right now is Top Secret and can't be shared. It's pretty funny to talk and for him to say he went to a meeting, but can't discuss what it was about. Or that he has to do this or that, but he can't be specific. We've gotten back into our rhythm of talking in generalities, but having a decent idea as to what each other means. I was able to talk to Alex a little bit on my own while the kids finished up their lunch, but then we were bombarded....in a good way. Here is a picture of just us chatting and here is one after we were sneak attacked.
Tonight for dinner, I made chicken fajitas, but I simply had a fajita bowl. It was pretty funny thought because after I butterflied the chicken and marinated it, when it was time, I went to turn on the grill....only to find that someone (who shall remain nameless) didn't turn the burners off the last time the grill was used, so I went to light it and we were completely out of propane, but it was too late for me to go take the time refill it. So, I ended up using my indoor grill pan and grilled the chicken and then sautéed the veggies and combined after. I made the kids traditional fajitas in a tortilla with avocado, fresh grated cheddar cheese, "sour cream" (aka whole milk plain greek yogurt) and tomatillo salsa. I has the same thing, except instead of putting mine in a tortilla, I just threw it all in a bowl and ate it with a fork. It was delicious!
After dinner we played the board game Sorry. I really love playing this game with the kids. It's fun seeing them enjoy it so much too!
Then it was bed time. Lately, I've been having the kids do their bedtime routine and then each go to their own room instead of doing bedtime together. It's helped cut down some of the goofiness, but it also has given me time with each of them at the end of the day to just talk with them and hear what's on their heart.
The last few days I've had to correct and discipline Hudson a lot....more than usual. So, tonight I asked him if something was bugging him or if he was sad about something or angry about something because his behavior just seemed to be off. He came up with a few things, but I could tell we hadn't reached the heart of the matter, so I asked again. That's when it happened. My little baby boy, buried his head into my chest and started crying. He said he was sad and that he missed daddy and that it was really hard seeing him on FaceTime, but not being able to hug him or touch him or snuggle with him. So we talked about that for a little bit and I shared with him that it was okay to feel sad, but that we needed to find ways to express that other than acting out. We talked about some ways he could communicate with daddy outside of FaceTime and I reassured him that I loved him and that I would stay with him as long as he needed and then we prayed. Hudson said his bedtime prayers that were short, simple and sweet, but oh so touching. He's really grasped going to God with his needs and always surprises me by something fairly sophisticated that he throws in. Tonight he asked God to help him not be so sad about missing his daddy and to help school to start soon so that he had fun things to keep him busy until dad comes home. I, then, prayed with and for him and we shared a sweet moment. And then, just like that, he seemed to feel better. We talked about this too. I reminded him that he can talk to me any time about how he's feeling and that he doesn't have to hold it in until he's about to explode. God taught me a lot tonight, but my momma heart was hurting for my sweet boy. I know it will get better with time, but tonight was one of the tough nights, however I know that it's totally normal and it hasn't really even been two weeks yet, so we're still adjusting over here.
So, now I'm going to go read my book and spend some extra time journaling and praying and figuring out how I can help these kiddos really enjoy their last few days of summer.
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